Over it

I’ve been so lazy about my eating for the better part of 2 months now. I don’t get it. I went months and months totally on plan and feeling awesome about it and not struggling for a second (ugh, what a lucky bitch I was!) I don’t get how it can go from being so easy to such a struggle so quickly. LAME!

It sucks not losing weight, and worse, seeing it go up 5 lbs, 8 lbs, whoa nelly! I’m over it. I still have SO far to go, I can’t be getting lackadaisical about it now. I will not settle for 300 lbs. I have to bring in the reigns and get back to my healthier ways. It’s always so hard the first week or two, as I’m going through withdrawal, and then it just seems to come so easily and naturally. I want to get to that place again. And I will. If I learned anything from the past 16 months it’s that it’s never too late to start over.

In other news:


I’ll be heading down to Kansas City for 6-8 weeks to spend some time with my stepfather and to help him out around the house and yard. I’m taking my laptop, but whether or not I’ll be online will depend on if I can pilfer a connection. Last time I was down there the only area in the whole house that I could find one was in the garage, atop a table saw, of all places. I hope I’m a little luckier this time.

Peanut Butter Addiction

One thing that has amazed me is how my tastes and preferences in foods have changed over the last 14 months. Overall, these changes have been a good thing. There is only one dark, sticky exception.

Peanut Butter.

It became pretty clear early on in this lifestyle overhaul that I had suddenly become obsessed with it; this was at first amusing to me because prior to changing my habits I very rarely ever touched the stuff. Never had the desire to. I wish I could say the same now. I can, and have several times, ploughed through an entire 28 oz jar in a mere 3 days. It has become my one and only “trigger” food. I can’t stop myself once I start eating it, and I don’t trust myself when it’s in the house. Honey has also become a bit of a weak spot and discovering they made Peanut Butter mixed with Honey flatlined my weight loss chart for a month. Every binge, every slip up, every stall can be attributed to me opening a jar of that evil concoction in the middle of the night. For reals. I wish it were as easy as not buying the stuff, but I live with another nut butter addict who doesn’t have to worry about their weight (the bitch) and I struggle almost nightly to keep myself from grabbing a spoon and popping the lid off.

So there it is. Hi, I’m Blue and I’m a Peanut Butteraholic. My spoon has been clean for 2 days.

Anyone else have a particular food obsession/addiction? Any new ones sprout up after you started eating healthier?

Go ahead. Say it.

AWWWW!

I know. Aren’t they so stinkin cute? I’ve been fostering these 3 mini dachshund pups for 2 weeks now. They were removed from an abusive home (seriously, people suck. Is it any wonder I‘m a hermit?) They’re the sweetest little things in the world, but they’re a handful. If I’m not feeding them or cleaning up their poop, they’re begging at my feet to be held or played with. They’ll stay with me for another 2 weeks until they’re strong enough to get their first shots and then they’ll move to their forever homes. I’m so glad my sister wants to adopt the special needs pup (the tiny one in the last pic who was severely malnourished) because I’ve gotten so attached to her and I just can’t adopt any more pets - we have 6 already! That’s the hard part of fostering. You want to keep them all but you just can’t.

Weight-wise I’ve been maintaining around 310 for almost a month. Kind of frustrating, but it’s my own doing. I breeze along just fine for a few days and then my nephews stay over and it’s a grazeapalooza. They make popcorn, I have a handful. They roast s‘mores, I partake in a few. They get iced capps, I get a small with 2%. Nothing horrible, but my body has this amazing ability to turn 1,000 extra calories into a 5 lb gain. Such fun, that. It vanishes within a few days - just in time for another graze-a-thon with the boys. Bad cycle.

I told them to bring their bikes next time and we’ll head over to the local trail, hopefully a couple hours of exercise will negate the grazing I know full well I’ll be doing. We’ll see if that approach works. Can't hurt.